Recipes you won’t see anywhere

At least, not anywhere outside the crazy funny world inside my son’s head.

One day, while I wasn’t looking, my son Tim took over the little scratch notebook where I write all things and ideas food-related. And on the same page where I was writing down some titles of recipes I wanted to try, he proceeded to fill just about every empty line with his own hair-brained ideas.

It was at least an hour or two before I discovered it, and after a good thirty minutes of laughing that left me almost doubled up in pain, I wiped the tears from my eyes and reflected on how fortunate I am to have such a goofball around the house whose humor I totally get. And totally share.

And now, I want you to laugh as much as I did. Maybe not until the “doubled up in pain” part. Unless you really want to.

Note that everything is his. Including the parenthetical notations and strikethroughs. Kid’s twisted, I tell you. In a silly, funny way. But twisted, nonetheless.

I guess he really does kinda take after me.


Tim’s Alternate Recipe Titles

  • Roasted Unicorn Thighs Topped With Roasted Happiness
  • Triscuits (A Very Easy Recipe)
  • Chocolate-Covered Joy Sprinkled With Self-Esteem
  • A Toddler (?)
  • Juicy Stuff Mixed Together With Creamy Stuff
  • Easy Mac + Cheese, Without The Microwave (No Way!)

Tim’s Alternate Culinary Posts:

  • How To Boil Eggs While Sky Diving
  • How To Boil Eggs While Transcending Reality
  • Hobo Edition: How To Find Ingredients From The Trash
  • Removed by editor Hobo Edition 2: How To Help The Economy With A Noose
  • Learning To Cook Your Favorite Meal Through Song And Dance
  • Update: Learning To Control The Knife While You Learn To Cook Through Song And Dance. Stop Losing Fingers, People.
  • How Freedom Fries Can Win the War Against Terror
  • How To Fool Wine Tasters With Turpentine And Food Coloring

You know how sometimes people say, “You just can’t make this stuff up!” about some things? I swear, most of the time, his mind actually can make it up. And it’s stuff like this, left for me to discover in the pages of my notebook or on my desktop wallpaper or taped to my monitor, that brings hilarity to the daily grind of working from home.


Apparently, my camera’s memory card is fair game, too.


20 thoughts on “Recipes you won’t see anywhere”

  1. Oh my god that was funny! I love that kind of bizarre, twisted humor. I’m lucky enough to have a husband who regularly thinks in that strange twisted way, and daughters who are starting to appreciate and take on their parents’ senses of humor – Monty Python is quoted regularly in this household!

  2. Oh, this is positively priceless! I laughed…hard! Something I already needed today…so thanks to your son and an awesome blog post!

  3. how old is he??? Love his ‘translated’ recipes….especially triscuits – I’m going to have to think of something to make to fit the bill. Sorry, I know…he’s not my son, I should live that to you….but it’ll be a while before my almost 3 year old mannetje (young man in Dutch) is up to the task!!!

    1. KB, he’s 20 going on 7. Kidding aside, I do enjoy how his mind works. And it gets crazy here when we both get into a groove and start cracking each other up. Which I guess means I’m going on 8 or 9 myself. :)

  4. Thanks for the lovely comments! Tim got a kick out of reading them all.

    Of course, now he’s asking me if I need him to write me new material.

  5. This is AWESOME! I seriously cracked up over the roasted unicorn and the freedom fries! Clever young man & I know you must be very proud & delighted…for this is priceless!

  6. Gotta have me some unicorn thighs. They are supposed to have some amazing, almost magical, marbling.

    Your son is a gem! Keep him a bit longer. =)

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